I tried out 'proper debating' last night.

It was my first time and in all honesty, I was pretty nervous.

I have never been faced with huge speeches in front of crowds before, though I have performed and done some stuff in front of crowds. (I do not count presentations for assignments)

There have been quite a few times in my life where the people around me found out that I have never done professional debating at all and the look of genuine surprise takes over their face. I can be pretty convincing. I'd attribute it to the fact that I can more or less read people superficially. 

So let's say, if a stranger walked into a room, I could tell you several things that they might do- or not. Some will be obvious, and others will not. 

At this point, you can also probably tell that the tag 'judgemental' has been affixed to me by most people I know. It's okay. It does sound judgemental when you don't know someone and act like you do.

Problem is, many times when I look at a person, I often wished that I was wrong.

I look at people and in some of them, I see slyness. I see the shift in their eyes, their calculated moves to get what they want. In others, I see insecurity, the sense of betrayal. I can almost smell others' fears when they are faced with something they are unfamiliar with. 

I guess it does border on clairvoyance. 

I always believe that the eyes are windows into a person's soul. My sociopathic comrade wholeheartedly agrees and she does often get the same reaction: how did you know that about me? Are you psychic? How did you know that I was....

I prefer to keep what I see to myself. 

Oftentimes, my sociopathic friend and I will analyse humans within 5 mins of meeting them and break down their character. We'll give ourselves a dateline to find out the truth to see if we were right, and we usually are.

As mentioned above, many times, we wished we were wrong.

Now that I think about it, how do we get along? How can I exist along side a sociopath? 

It has been a long road, full of bumps, I suppose.

Anyway, back to debating.

Since it was my first time, I was obviously nervous. My hands were white and I shivered slightly. I thought to myself how foolish I was for fearing that I'd let people down. 

I was partnered with a female who has had experience in debating and to be honest, she was being a complete douche. I can see that she is someone who likes to command. Someone who likes to have her own way. Certainly middle-class and her family is slightly well to do. She is spoiled and first impressions mean a lot to her. However, she is someone who also likes to stay in her comfort zone. 

I could tell you how I gleaned all this from just looking at her, but I won't. :P

Nonetheless, the reason why she was being douchey was because

1. I was inexperienced. (she wanted to win)

2. I made her come to me. (not vice versa, refer to the part where she likes to lead)

She ignored me, kept all the points and materials to herself and only looked out for her own benefit. Her selfish eyes would pause over someone and judge them on their perceived worth just based on their appearances and I knew that we would not get along. (that one would have been pretty obvious)

Note: You could say that I peruse people in the same way. *shrugs* True. I am unscrupulous in the way I observe people but I will still be friends with everyone and give them a chance to prove me wrong. On a side note, I do stay away from humans I judge are cunning and out to use another at their expense. This is all just for protection's sake.

Safety first. ;)

Since I had no choice anymore but to be paired up with her, I took it with patient tolerance and gnawing fear that it was my first time and I was uncomfortable.

But it's okay. I like the adrenaline that rushes through me.

Sometimes, I black out because the rush is so strong but it feels so good. 

Anyway, I realised that she judged me incompetent, and that was when the situation changed.

I pushed away my fear, steeled my guts and got serious. The opposition has not presented their motion yet, so I drew up a list of everything they could possibly say. I even listed the ones I thought were obvious not to mention since I could lay out a trap so easily.

She went up to present and stole all of my points. 

It's ok. I'll show you.

The blood starts thumping in my ears as I am filled with cold anger.
In all of that inner noise, I found steely calm. 

They got up to do a rebuttal and to my happy surprise, broached on all of the points I listed out, even the obvious trap-filled ones.

Okay, my turn.

I said my final prayers and got up and calmly walked to the stand. I was to close the motion. A chilling silence fell over the room as I started knocking down argument after argument. It could have been so much better if I had actual time to prepare. (Most of our prep time was spent on the partner yammering on about how she knew so much stuff)

At the end of it, there were resounding claps and I got a special mention. 

The adrenaline pumped through me and I thought to myself," Why has debating never been on the menu all these years?"

I expect that there will be times that I could fail the group or make mistakes. 

I am just happy that I am of a certain standard, and I certainly showed the female human not to underestimate a psychopath- not that she knows I am one. 

I can be such an arrogant person. 

This is why I would never broadcast this to people that I know. 

It'd not be to my benefit.... :P